The challenge of an abrupt change may unseat our sense of security and safety.
For our children, changing school or a good friend leaving may bring about a crisis of security. A familiar routine or a friendly face disappearing shake up our comfort zone. Some may still feel overwhelmingly sad even though we know the changes are coming. These emotions may come in waves. We may even feel guilty about leaving or angry with those who are staying. We may feel doubts about the decision made or feel regret for not spending enough time. We feel upset, confused, anxious, and numb. If our emotions are not valued or openly expressed in safety, the result is suppression. We may feel temporarily numb. In reality, the suppressed emotion is just inches away. The grief is locked up in our memories and our hearts.
Any emotions that are not experienced or expressed will be catching up with us in physical symptoms or relational problems in the future. That is why parents are learning to facilitate these healthy emotional experiences.
First, it starts with us as parents reviewing our own growing-up experiences. We learn to acknowledge these emotions first.
Second, we can articulate these emotions as a normal grieving process. We can label it as sadness, guilt, anger, doubt, frustration, anxiety, etc. As we say it, we are externalizing it. By labeling it, we are normalizing it. And by expressing it with our face, gesture, and tone of voice, we convey empathy and care.
Third, we connect with our children, not through content. We connect with emotions.
Finally, we are ready to provide what they need. Safety and security of a relationship that listens, be with, and journeys through those abrupt changes.
